**This is the next in a series of essays that deal with my evolving thoughts, feelings, assessments, and experiences with the concept of love and loving again after the loss of Kara and the life I had at the time. It’s an ever-unfolding journey that I’ve been writing about in one way or another from the beginning.**
Part 4: It’s Begun Again
Nov 2023
I met a woman, a friend of a friend, at a presentation I gave a few months ago. She was somebody I initially noticed only due to her tardiness. She had been delayed and arrived about one minute into my introduction. She slipped in quietly and took a seat in the back row. I looked up, met her eyes, smiled, and went about my business.
We would be properly introduced afterward. And I soon found myself on the business end of the most intense, unbroken eye contact I can recall ever receiving. I thought to myself, “Look at the gaze on this woman. I can’t tell if she wants to fuck me or fight me.” That level of intensity. I was excitedly confused and also kind of enamored with her. She radiated all sorts of something that pulled me immediately into her orbit.
We began emailing, which quickly evolved into daily, lengthy, friendly, and occasionally flirty text conversations. I met her for a warm and sunny patio lunch near her home a few weeks later and discovered a few things: She was utterly fascinating. Our chemistry and connection were obvious, bordering on overwhelming. And my Pacific Northwest alabaster skin will lobster up if I sit in the sun for more than an hour, even if I have a base “summer tan.”
It’s safe to say that we were both “interested.” However, she and I were both actively and openly exploring other avenues. So careful assessments had to be made. About a month or so later she came out to the coast for the day to hang out. It was a rainy day that somewhat limited our outdoor activity. Which mattered not at all.
Because, for anyone blessed to have experienced those butterflies in the belly that precede the act of falling in love, it was the sort of magical day that you remember. And with the advantages of age and experience, a day I instantly took mental note of. A day that felt as if a new chapter of life may have just been born. We both knew it and without so much as having even discussed it - independently decided to explore those other avenues no further. We intrinsically felt and acted upon the fact that it was time for “us” to begin.
Our texting intensified with regard to frequency, heartfelt romantic notions, and passionate yearnings. Every interaction we engaged in had me waiting with bated breath. Watching those three dots dance before yielding yet again to an utterly soul-stirring sequence of letters and punctuation from her. Then late one night, just before bed she sent a simple one-line text, “I’ve been looking for you for a long time.” And I thought to myself, “You can’t keep saying things like that, and not expect me to fall in love.” And almost without my knowing or acting on it consciously, that’s exactly what happened. I fell in love.
Love After Life Part 1: Never Again
Love After Life Part 2: Maybe Someday
Love After Life Part 3: What’s Happening Here?