Swallows in the Eaves

June 2022

Oftentimes at night, I go out to the dock to survey the bay under moon or starlight. Afterward, I’ll walk a short loop a few blocks to the northern end of town and back down to the hotel that is currently my home. Recently I noticed that tucked beneath one of the eaves of a building along my route, was a pair of swallows and a nest that appeared to be nearing completion.

After the discovery, I would check in on them and their progress whenever I found the occasion. The times I had passed by during daylight hours, the couple would be gone. But often when I walked by at night, they would be occupying the nest. It became my custom to look up and wish them a good evening on my way back home. 

Then one night, the nest was gone. The swallows were still there, but their home had been removed. Seeing those two birds huddled together where a nest used to be reduced me instantly into an inconsolable mess. I don’t know how such a thing would have affected me just six months ago. But now? Having so recently lost my own home along with everything else in an unforeseen and immediate manner, I couldn’t bear to witness the same thing happening to other living creatures. In my fragile state, it decimated me.

The next two nights as I walked my loop, they were still there, occupying the ledge, but with no nest. This somehow only compounded my abject sadness, and I released a tortured cry that echoed through the streets, up against the buildings, and out into the bay each time. Then on the third night following the removal of their home, they were gone. And I understood. I had no plans to rebuild on the site of my loss either. I recognize that extrapolating parallels between the reactive responses of birds and humans is a bit of a stretch, but it’s where I’m at. There was nothing left for them there and they felt implored to move on, just as I had.

It might have been an odd thought, and perhaps it was just a maneuver of emotional gymnastics intended to help me sleep through the sorrow - but I managed to find comfort in the potentiality that they might recover from all of this. Because while they may have been momentarily homeless and possessing only an uncertain future, at least they still had each other.