Prayers and Placebos

September 2022

I consider myself an open-minded but skeptical agnostic, sprinkled with a dash of atheism and a pinch of spirituality. I’m open to things, even if they aren’t exactly my thing. And it certainly doesn’t bother me at all when people have things in their lives that are helpful or of benefit to them, and are thoughtful enough to want to share with me. For the most part, it means they give a shit and the very least I can do is receive it warmly.

For me, it’s like the whole “Happy Holidays” vs “Merry Christmas” thing. If somebody is going to be nice enough to wish me a pleasant platitude in any form, I’m going to give it right back to them in kind. Someone could hit me with a “Happy Chrismahanukwanzakah” and I’d shoot it right back with gusto - despite the fact that I don’t believe in any of it.

So after the loss, anytime somebody wanted to pray with me, I bowed my head, closed my eyes, and dove in. When somebody gave me a tarot card interpretation, I took it and pondered appropriately. If they gave me sage to burn, a candle to light, a meditation to perform, a chakra to unblock, or a ritual to partake in, I partook. And always did so with gratitude, an open mind, and an open heart. A good friend gave me a crystal whose alleged powers allow me to process emotions with a clear and conscious mind, while simultaneously reducing stress levels. I still carry it.

The least that any of these things mean is that the person cares about me and my well-being. It might even mean they love me. And I know that shit is as real and powerful as anything this realm or any other might have to offer.