G.I. Aspirin Part 2

Relationships and the in-between.

*** This essay covers a lot of ground in only a handful of paragraphs and is obviously very much from my perspective. As such, some folks detailed in this account could take umbrage with my version of events, certain details, or omissions. And that would be totally understandable. Some people have been left out altogether, if only for the efficiency of this particular telling. I say this because I don’t want anybody who may have been intimately involved in any of these chapters of my life to wonder why I’m leaving out very pertinent or meaningful details and moments. I’m sincerely attempting to own my own actions as much as possible. But not everything needs to be itemized today. My purpose here is to bridge the gap between my first run-in with opiate addiction and the second. While also providing some background and context that might be helpful. Thanks for understanding. ***

After getting out of military prison and living with my sisters for a brief but wondrous time, I saved up enough money to move to Colorado. That’s where a woman I was very much in love with, who had stuck by my side through the whole sordid ordeal and then some, had recently relocated. And thus began the beautiful but brutal story of my adult love life.

Up until that point, she had been married and had three wonderful children. I knew her, and them quite well. She was my best friend and confidant and had been for years. But self-centeredness and hopeless romanticism were traits I possessed in abundance as a young man. I fell madly in love with her and managed to convince her that it was reciprocal. She left her husband, threw her life into turmoil, and took a lot of criticism squarely on the chin, for us.

But for numerous reasons, including my own lack of maturity, inability to be forthright, and a number of previously missed, blinded-by-love red flags, I eventually ended the relationship. It was terrible. I left a number of lives in absolute upheaval if not at least temporary ruin. That’s some guilt that should probably, eventually be dealt with in therapy.

Thanks to that woman’s mother, however, I had become an Information Technology professional due to the backdoor into corporate America she so generously allowed me to squeeze through, despite my felonious past. Chasing a paycheck, I fled to Arizona where I met the woman who I would eventually marry. She was a young, freshly-minted single mother, which didn’t scare me at all. I loved kids and had always wanted my own, should the opportunity properly present itself. It never really did.

We didn’t have what I would describe as a burning, romantic love - though we were instantly enamored with each other. It was more of a very comfortable, rational, best friends with excellent benefits and no roadblocks in sight, kind of love. Neither of us were interested in getting married, but when I took a job in Florida that didn’t recognize domestic partnerships, we would need to be legally tethered in order for her and her daughter to receive medical benefits. 

So that’s what we did. In a very simple, justice of the peace-style affair with her daughter, my stepdaughter, serving as the maid of honor/best man. Yes, very clinical and romance free, but quite pragmatic - and perhaps a relationship overcorrection on my part for this go-around. I would get laid off and we would move to Portland, Oregon for work after just two years in Florida.

Whether it was age, natural inclination, or other, she was not yet well-versed in making her voice heard. And I was still thoroughly self-absorbed. Though I thought I was attentive and caring, I managed to miss years of subtle and not-so-subtle passive pleas from her expressing displeasure. It happened slowly, but she had been checked out for a while by the time it became obvious to me that things were irreparably amiss. Another round of therapy will be required to reveal all the shortcomings of mine that manifested themselves in this chapter.

A lot was happening as the sun set on that relationship. I had recently left the Information Technology field in an attempt to make a living doing something outdoors-related. I, along with my best friend at the time, moved into my soon-to-be ex-brother -in-law’s house. I started writing, tour guiding, and making pizza for a living. I also relegated myself to a self-imposed purgatory of nothing more than casual dating - no relationships. As I had become quite convinced that despite my best intentions, I seemed only capable of leaving well-wrecked lives in my wake. Dramatic, yes. But I believed it wholeheartedly.

Not surprisingly, I bulldozed straight through my own half-assed attempts at relationship management and fell in love again. Failing in spectacular fashion to adhere to my own boundaries and scorning yet another wonderful woman in the process. A generous and gentle soul who would take on collateral damage thanks to my capacity for both self-abuse and self-fulfilling prophecy.

Read G.I. Aspirin Part 1.